Coffee Table

I am addicted to craigslist.  I found this coffee table on there.  I called the lady, Destiny, and she told me she lived out in Elm Mott so me and my friend Ashley went out there.  Ashley packs heat wherever she goes, and boy was I glad when we pulled up at the trailer where my coffee table had been residing.  It was off Bugtussle road, it was heavily wooded, and it was the dumpiest trailer I have ever seen.  All kinds of plywood add-on's were built against the leaning trailer.  There was a blow up pool in the front yard with a 500 pound woman trying to float in it (come to find out that was Destiny's cousin), although she looked more like a giant grackle convulsing in a water puddle to me.  About 500 pieces of crap layed in the front yard, from lawn chairs to lawn mowers... it looked like a flea market. In the trailer park community, I think these people were considered high class though because of the amount of stuff they acquired, and their fearlessness of leaving it in the front yard for anyone to take. Destiny was about 5'6, maybe 39 years of age (I'm guessing), smoked Marlboro Reds (heavily), had fried-out-bleach-blonde-from-a-box hair, was anorexic thin, and had the deepest, raspiest voice I have ever heard come out of a human being (other than my Aunt Judy).  I actually thought I was talking to her common law husband Bubba John on the phone the first time I called her.  She had 2 other trailers on her property (it was less than an acre), and she took us to the back trailer first.  That is where I found my beautimous coffee table.... then she shows us this 18 wheeler that she opened up at the back. That little woman looked like she was about to break in half and she bent over and pulled the door of that trailer open like it was nothing. It went flying up a hundred miles an hour and made a loud noise- I as already jumpy because I was in Bellmead and I didn't exactly have the greatest expectations on what was going to be on the otherside of that door- I bet I jumped a 2 whole feet in the air as I yelled a curse word to the top of my lungs. Oopsie, sorry.  I was scared sh*tless, Ashley and I walked in (against our better judgement) but this place had like crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, it was too tempting.  The place was set up like a furniture showroom. It was crazy! I just knew Destiny was going to slam the door shut down and keep us out there in Bugtussell to be a sex slaves to Bellmeadsters and her inbred family- there is no worse fate... Luckily, that didnt happen.


before:

After: gosh dangit you cant really see the cute knobs. oh well- hopefully you have an imagination.